One of the things that pregnant women are told in the lead up to motherhood is that they need to get used to getting by on not much sleep, especially in the early years. Mothers are expected to simply adjust to running on empty, feeling worn out and frazzled. In fact, mothers are encouraged to be selfless across the board, put themselves last, and prioritise everyone and everything else above them and their needs.

Looking after yourself isn’t selfish, especially when it comes to getting enough sleep. Sleep is a biological need that you shouldn’t ignore. In addition, well-rested people are often better able to parent their children and be there for their families as a whole. Keep reading to learn more.

Why you should prioritise your sleep

Prioritising your own needs as a mother might feel a little alien to you at first, but it is important. Mothers are used to having to get by on no sleep; it is accepted and almost expected of them. There is still a gender gap when it comes to sleep. Mothers are far more likely to be sleep-deprived than fathers. Mums need just as much sleep as dads, but it tends to be mothers who get up in the night with the kids or get up with them earlier in the morning, leaving the dads to lie in. It is hard to believe that a gender sleep gap still exists today, but the truth is that women are still expected to take on more of the domestic labour than men while existing on less sleep. Not only is this unfair it is also deeply unrealistic.

Some couples do try to sleep in sync, but this also doesn’t work. This is because women need different amounts of sleep at different times in their lives and menstrual cycles. For example, towards the end of your menstrual cycle, you are more likely to suffer from PMS, which can be worsened by sleep deprivation. Women simply need more sleep during the second half of their cycle. Matching your partner’s sleep cycle won’t work. Instead, you should try to listen to your body.

A lot of mothers fall into the trap of thinking that they need more hours in the day, and so they try to shortchange their sleep. However, insufficient sleep will never give you more hours; it will simply make you less productive with the time that you have. You need to be working towards getting the right amount of sleep every night – not just on weekends. When you are sleeping well, you are able to perform tasks more efficiently, and your mood improves too.

Working mothers already face barriers in the workplace, and sleep deprivation only makes them worse. Your attendance and your performance are likely to suffer. This then proves the naysayers right who don’t believe that mothers can see success both personally and professionally. Ensuring that you are sleeping well can actually help you to get ahead in the workplace.

A chronic lack of sleep can have a huge impact on your health. Insufficient sleep has been linked to a number of health problems, including obesity, heart disease, hypertension, diabetes and mental health conditions like depression. If you continually fail to get enough sleep, then you might be robbed of time with your children or the ability to enjoy said time. When you are getting the sleep that you need, your whole family benefits. They tend to be happier and healthier, too, right alongside you.

Caring for children is hard enough without being sleep deprived. When you are tired, your reaction times are slower, and you might be putting your children in danger. For example, driving drowsy is just as dangerous as driving under the influence. Having your judgement impaired by a lack of sleep can have disastrous results, and it is totally avoidable by simply getting enough sleep.

It may not always be possible

The fact of the matter is that there may be times in motherhood where you simply cannot get enough sleep, and feeling guilty won’t do anything to remedy that. If you have a new baby, a poorly child, or perhaps even a child who suffers from sleep disorders, your own sleep needs won’t take precedent. However, there will be times when you can make it a priority, and that is exactly what you should do. Staying up after the kids have gone to bed for a bit of ‘me time’ or to get ahead for the next day is tempting. Still, it can quickly lead to chronic sleep deprivation, which can have a number of knock-on effects both personally and professionally as listed above. In an ideal world, there wouldn’t be a choice, mothers wouldn’t have to choose between self-care and sleep, but sometimes it is necessary. Oftentimes, sleep becomes an integral part of self-care; try to remember this.

Tips for getting more sleep

Adult humans need no less than seven hours of sleep a night in order to function properly. Ideally, you should be aiming for more than this, but again, it may not always be possible. There will sometimes be things out of your control that will affect your ability to sleep. However, there are a number of factors within your control that can help you to improve your sleep schedule. Implementing the following tips can help you to get more sleep and form the basis of good sleep hygiene.

First things first, limit your use of the bed. You need to form an association in your brain; your brain should associate the bed with sleeping, not with wakefulness. That means the bed should be for sleeping and sex only. Don’t work from your bed answering phone calls or emails, and try to avoid watching telly in there too. Otherwise, your brain doesn’t know that when you’re in bed, you should feel sleepy instead of stimulated and awake.

Think back to your own childhood, when your mother or father would read to you before bed and how comforting that routine was. Bedtime routines and rituals can help to lull you to sleep – even in adulthood. They let your brain know that it will be time to sleep soon. Come up with your own pre-bedtime ritual. It could be anything, a cup of tea, reading a couple of chapters of your book or taking a shower. You should also do your best to go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning. On weekends you can adjust your bedtime, but you should try to limit the difference where possible. Consistency is key; it helps your body to form a regular sleep-wake cycle. If you have been trying to fall asleep for more than twenty minutes with no success, you should get back up and leave the room. Try to do something relaxing and get back into bed when you feel more tired.

You should also monitor what you are eating and drinking. An empty belly can grumble and keep you awake, but so can a full stomach. In short, you shouldn’t go to bed hungry or full. Avoid eating anything too full or heavy within a couple of hours of your bedtime. The discomfort can keep you awake. If you are hungry before bed, go for a light snack, which satiates you without lying heavily on your tummy. You should also consider your consumption of stimulants like nicotine, alcohol or caffeine. The effects of these substances can take hours to wear off. This is true for alcohol too, which may surprise you because often it makes people feel sleepy; however, it does make it harder to sleep through the night soundly. Acidic foods should also be avoided late in the day because they can give you heartburn which keeps you up too.

The environment that you sleep in can speak directly to the amount of sleep that you get and the quality of that sleep. You need to try your best to create a room that is optimised for sleeping. This includes your bed too. As you get older, your comfort needs change, and mattresses should be changed at least once a decade. When buying a new mattress, it is important to do your research and look up reviews, blog posts and read the specifications. For example, MyNextMattress offers insights and reviews that can be instrumental in choosing your new mattress, including a brand spotlight on Sealy mattresses. But why choose Sealy mattresses? To put it simply, they are designed to help you sleep better. However, the bedroom is more than just the bed. You should also consider the ambience of the room. Keep your bedroom cool, dark and quiet. It is harder to fall asleep in warm rooms, and exposure to light disrupts your sleep-wake routine. Avoid using electronics in the hour before you go to bed as much as possible; the blue light can make it harder for you to fall asleep. You could also use sleep masks, earplugs, or a fan if they help you to sleep better.

When they first have children, a lot of mothers are encouraged to sleep when the baby sleeps, which leads to a lot of daytime naps, in part to make up for the lack of sleep at night. However, it is easy to fall into this routine and find yourself napping every day. You need to kick this habit; long daytime naps can interfere with how much sleep you get at night. If you can, you should avoid naps completely. If you can’t, you should limit them to thirty minutes and try to avoid taking them late in the day; early afternoon or before is recommended.

What you have done in the day leading up to bed can affect how tired you are and thus how you sleep. So try to include more activity into your day. Regular exercise not only helps to improve your health and fitness but your sleep too. This is because it boosts the production of the body’s natural sleep hormone, melatonin. Try to aim for an hour of physical activity every day. Exercise also releases endorphins which can improve your mood, which is why it often counts as self-care too. That being said, you do need to think about when you are exercising as doing so too closely to bedtime can have the opposite effect and actually keep you up.

A lot of women tend to mull over the day’s events in bed. The bills might be mounting, or they might have a tonne of things to do the next day. They ruminate on their worries and stresses, but again this just keeps you awake. Stress acts as a stimulus. It activates the fight or flight hormones in your body, which then keep you awake, allowing you to stress more, and the cycle begins. Stress management techniques might help. Try to implement some organisation before you go to bed, write down your to-do list for the next day, set your priorities and don’t be afraid to delegate. Allow yourself to wind down and relax before bed, don’t take the daytime anxieties to bed with you. Some women find meditation or deep breathing techniques helpful too.

Finally, if you are concerned that your trouble sleeping may be more extreme, or if you struggle with feelings of restlessness, snoring, or aches or pains, then you shouldn’t be afraid to consult your doctor. You may be struggling with a sleep disorder. Your doctor can diagnose you and advise you on the best course of action, be it medical or otherwise. Don’t suffer in silence; a chronic lack of sleep can affect both your mental and physical health, as mentioned above.

The bottom line

If you aren’t looking after yourself properly, how do you expect to be able to look after your family? Prioritising your own needs is not selfish, despite what a lot of people think. Use the above tips to improve your sleep hygiene practices. You might be surprised by how much simply getting the right amount of sleep affects you. It can truly be transformative for the whole family.