The day had finally come – M was starting nursery! We’d missed his settling session last week as we were away and the last time he’d been to see the nursery was back in July. I had no idea how this day was going to go.

We were off to a bit of a wobbly start in the morning where he told me he didn’t want to wear his nursery top. I managed to get him to keep it on in the end with the promise of being able to take it off later. Luckily he soon forgot about it and happily put on his nursery sweatshirt after breakfast when E was putting on his school one on!

As we were about to head out of the door he turned around and said “Don’t want go nursery! Want stay here!!!” I very calmly told him that he would be going to play with his friend, a younger sibling of one of E’s old nursery friends who we see quite regularly and that he would probably be able to play with trains (his most favourite toy at the moment!) I repeated what I had been telling him all summer. That he would go to nursery to play and that mummy would pick him up later. I knew he understood this because every time we drove past nursery he would repeat the same thing back to me. Today though, M looked at me and simply said “I want go nursery later” I agreed that we would take E to school first and then we would go to nursery. He seemed ok with that.

I’d been telling myself that he would be fine all summer. He’s come on leaps and bounds with his clinginess and tantrums. Had he started nursery back around Easter time it would have been a whole different story. It would have been hard to leave him with anyone if he knew I was around – even with hubby! He would just sit and cry and scream because I had dared go somewhere without him! On many an occasion I  would leave the house when he napped because it was the only time he would be ok. Over the last few months we realised that he needed to know that if I were to leave, even if he was in tears I would come back. As he began to understand that concept things became so much easier. I was able to tell him that I was popping to the shops and I would be back later and I’d be met with “ok” followed by a kiss and cuddle – what progress!!

This morning , however, I suddenly began to doubt myself and wondered if I would be having to deal with lots of tears and cries when I tried to leave. As we approached nursery M was really happy and seemed quite excited. I relaxed a little and told myself that he would be fine. He seemed so little compared to everyone else queuing up to go inside and didn’t want to stand and wait in the queue and insisted on having a cuddle which was fine by me. As soon as we entered the nursery room he spied the train set laid out and his face just beamed! I explained that he needed to put his bag away first before he could play so we headed off to the cloakroom where he chose to hang his bag up on the “train” hook (of course!) He headed straight to the trains after that and happily played. I stayed for around half an hour to make sure he was settled before I told him that mummy was going shopping and I would be back later. He said “ok” and gave me a kiss and a cuddle.

As I began to leave the room however I could see eyes following me and his face began to crumple and his bottom lip started to go… My first instinct was to stop and go and comfort him but I also knew that it would have made things worse for both of us. (we would have both been in tears) So I carried on walking and let the nursery ladies do their job. They looked after E for a year and a half when he was there so I am fully confident in them. It was so hard to walk away but I just kept reminding myself that it was for the best.

I called in around half an hour later to check how he was and they reassured me that he was fine and there were no tears. The house was eerily quiet with both boys at nursery and school, I’ve been so used to their babble and chatter in the background over the summer whilst I work. In the end ,I had to switch the radio for some background noise before I could fully concentrate on work.

I am bursting with pride with how well M has done so far. I just hope it continues.

It’s official now though my baby boy is no longer a baby!